The Troubadours of Andromeda and beyond

The virus is a perfect design. Any alien beings that choose the dangerous occupation of interstellar space exploration would undoubtedly take the shape of the common T4 Virus. Our sun is a 3rd generation yellow dwarf about midway through it’s main sequence. That means it has been converting hydrogen into helium for around 4.75 billion years without any sticks in the spokes. Earth is roughly the same age as it was formed from the table scraps left over from the core collapse that formed the Sun. So the life forms on Earth have had slightly less then that long to evolve. (Keeping in mind that the Earth was molten hot for a while, then poisonous, and has had some major pain in the ass mass extinctions every once in a while… sorry Trilobites, you had your 100 million year reign).

But there are some stars that are much older then our star. Some red dwarf stars can shine for 100s of trillions of years and have been around since the dawn of our universe some 13.4 billion years ago. Now I know that it is precisely the material ejected from supernova explosions of massive stars that makes the periodic buffet-table so diverse today. We have fantastic elements to work with like Carbon and Silicon that make totally sweet chains and lattices for building complex organisms. But let’s suppose life arose on a planet whose star had been shining for 8 or 9 billion years; almost twice as long as ours. Life on a world like that could have had many millions or even billions of years to evolve. (Baring too many catastrophic extinctions of course). Intelligent life on that world could have a considerable leg (or legs) up on our primitive asses. One thing they’d want to figure out how to do is safeguard their species from mass extinction brought on by catastrophic events like large asteroid impacts, gamma ray bursts, or harassment from geological phemonia like planet quakes and super volcanoes. After this was handled they could get down to the serious business of making themselves immortal. We all know that one of the greatest thrills for creatures who have mastered self-awareness is the curious business of the exploration of the unknown. (Think about the sport of Sky Surfing or Half Pipe Snow Boarding). Any Intelligent beings would know pretty quickly that the vacuum of space is a foreboding place to play. Radiation, cosmic rays, extreme temperatures and distances… space junk… I mean there are a lot of things that can kill a squishy bodied traveler out there.

Some designs don’t change much over time. Alligators and sharks have changed very little in the 300 million years they’ve been around. Basically they are mouths with a propeller. Pretty good design! Some creatures will actually de-evolve when some of their given traits are deemed unneeded. Snakes, also basically a mouth with a propeller, decided to shed their legs altogether because they kept getting caught up on things when trying to slide down the burrow-holes in pursuit of some tasty snack. Possibly when pursuing a mole, who over time, decided to pass on the eyesight option. (Kind of like people who own convertible cars not paying the extra $900.00 for the air conditioning option).
The Arthropod would be a great design for space travel. Keep all your squishy stuffs, (or ‘innards’ like my dad likes to say), on the inside and protect yourself with a hard case. The common virus looks a lot like a very tiny crustacean. Our space heroes would have integrated the seemingly inevitable concept of bio-mechanics and perfected the design by the time they were ready to depart on the greatest journey of their collective lives. “Okay kids, everyone go pee and shed your dermis before we leave… we have 687 Quadrillion miles before our first stop”

The top of the virus shape can be the Super-Converting/Ultra-Filteration/Hyper-Propellant/Flux-Capacitor/Ionizer and Britta Machine. This way our intrepid friends can land on any planet deemed interesting without worrying about risky things like breathing toxic air or the local Rhinovirus. (No amount of penicillin will suffice against the dangers of some Jungle Flu from the carbon swamps along the equatorial regions of Proxa Phi -X4799-B3).

The bottom of the structure will be the landing gear and will also make a great set of legs for scurrying about the surface and turning over rocks in search of interesting goo. Over all size will not matter so much. Our explorers can be the size of a pea or as large as a hippo, the propellant system they devise will be more then adequate to get around.

The last thing our brainy friends will borrow from the T4 virus design deals with propagation of the species. That’s right, I hate to admit it but A-sexuality seems to be the best bet for making copies of one’s self one in deep space. And it will save a lot of time and money wasted on dinner and retarded romantic comedies every Saturday night. (Finally there will be no need for Ben Stiller and Mathew McConaughey any longer).

Have these beings been here to Earth yet? I’m sure of it, but they don’t look like shaved hydrocephalic toddlers bent on ass-raping rednecks and their livestock in remote rural locations. They simply stop in and look around, take a few notes and move on…

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Space Log 29938849930-1
-Liquid iron-core igneous and sedimentary rock planet 3rd out from main sequence yellow dwarf star.
-Healthy tectonic activity.
-Surface covered in liquid water.
-Planet nearly covered in carbon based life forms.
-Mouth and Propellant seems to be the dominant design.

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