Tuesday, February 21, 2012

New Doors at Work

The building I work in added like 6 new fob locked doors all throughout the floor I work on. Next to each door is a small metal in-table sized desk. Common assumption would be that a civilized person could use the desk to place their coffee or laptop down while they fumbled for their key-fob to open the door. Even though everyone knows I hate action movies I’ve seen enough of them for my brain to think that the real reason each door has a desk next to it is for me to have something to hurl thru the glass window that frames each locked door in an emergency type situation.

Using them to wedge the door shut after me in the event I’m being chased by a homicidal undead monster, 37 minionous thugs with uzis and walkie-talkies, or no less than 19 police officers will never work because of the glass window frame I just spoke of. That and the in-human strength homicidal undead monsters possess wouldn’t save me any time at all, and in fact would only allow the antagonists to catch up to me faster. That last part is more horror movie learning’s than action films but that’s neither here nor there.

I plan on just leaping from the high rise I work in onto/into the one across the street if anything crazy happens over here anyway. Matt Damon is probably a lot stronger than I am and slightly taller but that’s just more weight he has to launch across the gap between buildings, and I should be able to harness my “flying squirrel-like” frailness to glide most of the way between buildings. It’s windy as shit here in Chicago anyway.

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