Not a lot of clappin' going on...

Pugslee Pig played guitar in a few metal bands back in highschool... He thought for sure he'd make it big, but you know, then piglets are born, trash needs to be rooted thru and before you know it, your time has past... One night Pugslee was sipping some sour milk and chewin some old pizza crusts when the Country Music Awards came on...In an instant, a fire ignited deep inside of Pugslee's heart like never before... He watched with huge eyes as the country stars twanged away to the delight of the packed house. He studied their moves on stage and pondered their alluring appeal. There it was in front of his piggly face, all these "cross-over" stars like Billy-Ray Billygoat and Snakes of Leon, up there jamming their country soaked tunes and raking in fame and fortune... They were probably rootin thru the finest filth money could buy, and eaten the rottenest refuse anyone could get their hoofs into. These guys had it made!

Pugslee got his hands on an old banjo that Farmer had put into the attic some years ago and decided that he'd become the best banjo picker in the Midwest. He played it every day from sunrise to sunset. But a problem soon arose, and a serious one at that.

Now, any pig worth his bacon can master a short necked guitar with a little dedication and a lazy farm owner who doesn't nag at him much. But the banjo has a long neck and Pugslee's little pig arms couldn't reach out to all the far frets. How was he suppose to do his sweet sweep-arpeggios if he can't even get to the end of the neck? One night after a poker game with the barn rats and his buddy Muleson Mule he got to thinkin...

(Late that night he awakes in a cold sweat)...

He'd seen it done on TV.... he could do it... I mean who'd care really, they're just rats after all? It could work right?... It'd HAVE to work...

The next Saturday night before the poker game Pugslee was seen hiding some things out behind the old well. Seems he had fetched the farmers hedge trimming hacksaw and some twine from the tool shed and hid it under some dirty rags. As the sun fell over the horizon and the sky burned from red to black, Pugslee walked slowly over to the Rat-Bar with a jug of his homemade sour mash Milk-Whiskey in one hoof and a strange twitch in his eye...

Scoundrels 1

[Byron Dastardly and his Clan of Outlaws]... Byron is a long time Snake-oil salesmen and part time scoundrel. He and his side kick Clayvis Pritchit travel from town to town rustling up trouble, drinking booze, and sometimes leaving in a big hurry if need be. Clayvis is a pick-pocket and a Sworse thief (seen here on his favorite sworse Miggs). Clayvis is known for his fast hand, blistering tongue, and his taste for Lizard Liquor. Byron is showing off his latest elixir, The Byron Dastardly's Bones and Bunion Remover (can also be used to moisturize and treat sworse saddles)... They've been carrying cases of the new elixir, along with some other dry goods, on the back of their Swaddleback named James. James just gave birth to a little Swaddleback they call Liverlips, she got stepped on a few weeks back and is nursing a sore lower lip but she'll be fine. Also pictured here is their Dodo, Janus Forktooth. She yaps on and on like a sailor's wife at port about all sorts of nothing, but they keep her around because of her keen sense of smell and sharp-as-razors look-out eyeballs. She can spot a town sheriff coming to exact any retrobute from 3 miles away and she'll get to chirping something awful till everyone is up and ready to ride.

Anyway, I'd say go about your business unless you have some gold you're looking to part with, and in these times, I'm not sure why anyone would...

Oh Snap, someones got the jaundice...